I feel so sad. Sad we won't have another Thanksgiving like last year. That was such a huge accomplishment for him. He had never done anything like that.
I'm sad we won't go to Big Bend together. I really wanted to go with him in spite of everything, and to Balmorhea too. He was actually happy there; it was one of the few places I ever saw his eyes light up into genuine happiness.
Maybe he'll give me some pictures from last year if I ask for them. I mean, he doesn't hate me, he loves me. I know he does. He feels grateful to me, too. He said as much.
I just don't know what went wrong or how it is that two people that love each other like we have could be in this place now. It happened so fast.
They say that sometimes things have to end in order for people to find new beginnings in life. I think that's true. Those beginnings may not be with each other from here on out. But this part of our lives together is over. That much is clear.
Poor, poor K. I feel so much compassion for him. I wish I could have taken away his pain. I would have if I could have. I did my best with it.
I sure did love that guy.
Wake Up Call
10 hours ago
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1 comments:
I know this particular brand of sadness, the sadness of what might have been, of love not being enough to make a relationship work.
It's good that you are allowing yourself to feel what you feel. Sometimes we must simply feel the sadness for what it is and, in time, learn what we can from it.
I used to think there was some huge lesson in such loss--and maybe there is and I just never figured it out. But I suspect that sometimes there is no lesson to be learned from this kind of a loss, except that life is all about loss and change, and hard things no one wants to go through.
I'm sorry for your sadness, realizing that nothing anyone says is going to make it go away. It's hard to grieve someone who hasn't died but is simply not a part of your life anymore.
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